If a person takes the time to boil down many of the stresses they have as a parent, one can often see that oh so many of them are rooted in Fear. Many of you have probably heard or seen the acronym False Evidence Appearing Real, to describe fear. And that is one great way in which we can look at how fear creates unnecessary stressors in our parenting role, with the connection of our children, and therefore in the way we may make "mistakes," as a parent.
Now, I'm about to share one of my most challenging experiences as an example. One of my daughter's genetic backgrounds holds some dis-ease such as addictive personality, and bi-polar disorder. So, any time she may display some sort of these characteristics it can be hard for me to look beyond the behavior or situation to see that it is really a False interpretation of what is going on. Her behaviors are completely 'normal,' and do not predispose her nor determine that she possesses either of these dis-eases. I hyphenate the word because that is what disease is-it is a dis-ease of life. Of one's experience of life, and/or of that easy balance in the body, energy field or psyche. It is not inherently a Bad thing, it simply is.
Anyway, as I face these fears I think to myself "what would I do if my fear were real?" and I come up with the fact that I would still love my daughter unconditionally and I would support her in the best way that I know how. The same goes for every time she gets a cold, or the flu, or has an emotional upset (and the list goes on). NOTHING changes how much I love her. Of course that is at the ROOT ME, my TRUE SELF. My egoic self can have an issue with her behaviors and can sometimes close that open door of love, for that is what I have been conditioned to do when I am not tapped in to my true being.
So, as I traverse the planes of recognizing my fears, I see how my behavior, my stress level, my response is rooted in this make believe story. In the moment I may be seeing an addictive personality because my daughter wants more sugar after having some. I react with FEAR and have an underlying script of "What if she becomes an addict? What if she consumes so much sugar throughout her life that she doesn't take care of her gut and has ill health?" And those fears then bring out a control freak, which is where mistakes can be made: saying something you regret later, punishing a child for simply being a child, and the list goes on. We are all well versed in that good ol' parent guilt.
As you can see, there are these underlying stressors that are carried around and consuming my energy, my vitality, and taking away from my connection with my child. And that is simply one example.
We can apply this to any situation. See the situation, recognize what you are stressed about. See the Fear.
What are your fears? Do you impose them upon your children? Do you see how they come up as you make parenting decisions?